Hi there, how you doing? Hope you’ve been alright today.
Welcome to Portals, home to mini snapshots from my life of helping to bring people together. It’s a cosy nook in the newsletter, a chance to get to know each other. So grab a cuppa, sit back, and let’s dive in.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever done for love?
For a while, I had an unusual job: I helped lonely hearts create personal ads in newspapers. This was before dating apps, when romance seekers rang a number in the classifieds to dictate their hopes and dreams in a concise, 30-word format.
I worked in a secret call centre in London that processed only these classified ads (and nothing else) for local and national newspapers across the UK. I became their top agent just three weeks into the job. It wasn’t a glamorous job. Think: cramped office, strip lighting overhead, and a bathroom the size of a cupboard.
The job was simple on paper: answer the call, follow the script, and create an ad. The script was dry, lifeless even. My colleagues were great at churning out bland ads like “Sally, 42, loves yoga, cats, and cosy nights in, seeks someone special, 40+, for romance.” Efficient, sure, but it lacked heart. This was supposed to be about love, wasn’t it?
Whenever it was my turn to pick up a call, I’d get them talking and skip the script completely. The voice on the other end of the line was always a nervous one. “This isn’t easy, I know,” I’d say, “but good on you for calling. Who knows what might come of it?” That little encouragement always worked wonders. Soon, they were pouring their hearts out, laughing at themselves, or even sharing a tear or two.
Like Magda, for example. Magda, a 48-year-old widow, started her call like she was doing an Oscar speech. But by the end, we had a lovely ad: “Former university professor, enjoys countryside walks, fine wine, and detective novels, seeks man 48+ who loves travel, literature, and cooking. Glasgow area.”
Callers also had to leave a voice message with their ad, which was always a hard sell. “Do I really have to?” they’d groan. People trust voices, I’d tell them, it’s human nature. When they gave in, I’d hear everything from coughing to awkward laughter to sincerity.
Then, there was Peter. Peter called every week, always asking for me. He wanted someone who loved Mozart and tennis and could talk philosophy over coffee. “Peter,” I’d tell him, “you’re narrowing the pool down to about three people in the whole country! You need to broaden out a bit, give more people a chance to meet you”. He’d laugh, but he never budged. It was his dream, his ad.
We had success stories too. Couples would call back to tell us about their new romances, even some marriage proposals! We had our fair share of pranksters, as well. “Bum!” a kid would yell before hanging up. Or worse: “Your bum is ugly!” Okay.
My efficiency made me a star. Fifteen ads an hour, when the average was nine. I got “Agent of the Week” award six times in a row, a box of chocolates each time. Life was sweet—quite literally—until management changed the phone system to a single call queue instead of multiple lines. Was this to sabotage my hot streak? I’ll never know.
Things weren’t all rosy, though. There were moments of heartbreak—the ones you didn’t forget. A caller close to tears from the weight of recent loss. A man desperate to find anyone who could look beyond his wheelchair.
Looking back, the job was a mix of delight and sadness. It was a world about hope wanting to shine bright. Did Magda find a companion to share her wine and novels? Peter and his Mozart? I don’t know. And if they didn’t? Well, at least they tried. And sometimes, trying is the bravest thing of all.
What’s the funniest or quirkiest job you’ve had?
Reply and let me know—I’d love to share your story in a future edition!
And that’s it! Thank you for reading today’s Portals.
If you know someone who’d enjoy this little slice of life, please share it with them. Until next time, be good, be strong, be warm.